Friday, January 29, 2010

My kid won't eat.

     When Sage was on purees he'd eat squash and sweet potato but he wouldn't touch the green stuff. As he got a little older the amount of vegetables he would eat dwindled to 3 things : Corn, potatoes, and oddly enough edamame. Not only did his veg consumption dwindle but so did everything else. I sware the only thing this kid will eat on a regular basis is egg, rice, edamame, hashbrown (cubed only), and noodles. I've been forced to sneak vegetables into his eggs (via cauliflower puree) and Spaghetti (via beet puree, hence the pink noodles).

Now, he's not starving... but I have a huge amount of mommy-guilt because he's not eating the things that I know he should be, LIKE MEAT. He gets his protein from the eggs, milk, cheese, and edamame, but is that enough? I consider myself lucky that he loves the soybeans because that is chalk full of vitamins and is pretty much a superfood but I am at my wits end.

I offer everything. I still try to give him green beans and peas with no avail. I cut up pieces of chicken and even offer dipping sauces to see if it will entice him to eat them but instead he dips his fingers in the sauce while saying "dip, dip, dip" and then sucks it off his fingers.

He refuses to let me feed him which is why I end up having to make him special dinners because me and the husband often eat soups and casseroles. Actually, I take that back... he lets me feed him yogurt and applesauce (which, I might add, is the only way I can get fruit in him other than smoothies).

I keep telling myself that he'll get better once he's old enough to understand what I am saying when I am trying to talk some sense into him. Or maybe not. I also think about what I ate as a child and I still survived. Although, I am chubby as a result of my macaroni and cheese habit. He won't let himself starve but since he's related to me, he might just be stubborn enough!!!

It seems it's all about texture these days and what he is comfortable with. Someday maybe he'll teach me the tricks to feeding a toddler so that I don't make the same mistakes with Parker when he/she is a toddler.


Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Week 12 Update

     I had my 12 week appointment yesterday. I really enjoy going to see my doctor now. It is a completely different experience when you are having a complication-free pregnancy (so far).
     We went over my contract and decided where I am going to deliver and how much it is going to cost. I must say that I feel bad for people that don't have the luxury (that's exactly what it is) of insurance. I am required to have a C-section because of my past history and it's only going to cost me $243. AMAZEBALLS!
     I had to step on the scale.. UGH... 4 lbs gained in 4 weeks. So I am up a total of 9 lbs. so far. Luckily, I am back being able to eat like a normal human instead of having to shove food in my mouth in order to feel normal throughout the day.
     Since I have been through this before, I didn't have a whole lot of questions so my doctor and I chit chatted and caught up (We saw a lot of each other with the last pregnancy so we got to know each other quite well). Then we listened to the baby's heartbeat, which was the REAL reason for coming. Without the constant ultrasounds like last time I am a bit paranoid about how things are going. The heartbeat is good and strong and I was relieved to hear it!
     On a personal level, I am feeling a TON less nauseated, which is absolutely fabulous. I have been sleeping great the last few days and oddly enough I feel focused. I say "oddly" because since having Sage I have had a huge case of Mommy-brain. So, the last few days I feel focused and organized and I have my memory back... I hope it lasts. Fat chance but a girl can hope.
    So, 12 week recap: Started out at 180lbs. // Currently 189 lbs.
                                   Starting pant sz 12 // Currently 12 / can't button the top (bought 14 for growing room)
                                   Cravings: Noodles
                                   Starting to feel baby flutters rarely
                                   No aches or pains
                                   No swelling

So far so good!

Monday, January 25, 2010

It's those little things.

For the last week I have been sick and morning sick and just plain sick of being sick! I have also been feeling a bit down and out about the fact that at 3M preggers and I am already showing enough to have to wear maternity clothes. I'm sure it's not just extra mommy because my jeans fit in the bottom and definitely not in the top.
Anyways, After going though 6 months of Weight Watchers I did what every successful Weight Watcher does, I gave all of my fat clothes as well as my maternity clothes to charity (since we didn't think we could have any more children). Well nowadays that proved to be a bad idea. I've been fastening my pant buttons on the last two jeans that were comfortable to wear with hair ties and wearing old baggy tee-shirts and sweatshirts. This ultimately left me feeling unattractive and generally frumpy.
Last night I was blessed with a visit from the maternity clothes fairy, Autumn. She had a box of her maternity clothes that she was no longer using and after visiting with her and the girls for a while I went through the box and to my surprise I loved and could actually fit into at least HALF of the box. I was so amazed and grateful and generally emotional about it that I think I might have cried a little. HEY I'M PREGNANT... I get a bit weepy. When Aaron got home I was so excited to show him everything and I think I might have cried a little again... hah.
I guess when it comes down to it, I really needed a little boost and even though to Autumn it was a small gesture to me it was something much bigger. I don't think I even realized how much I needed to really get some nice clothes and how much of a difference it would make on my mood. I woke up this morning and got dressed and didn't have to worry about what I was going to wear or how uncomfortable I would be. I just threw something cute on and actually put make-up on and did my hair. I feel good and I feel pretty AND pregnant!!!
So THANK YOU, Autumn! You've made this girl's life a little more pleasant.
      Little gestures!!! I've always said that every thing you say or do can change lives. I know that it sounds dramatic BUT it's true... Every thing a person says or does can change a life and hopefully for the better. I can honestly say I feel changed! I am a much happier person today than I was a few days ago and it shows... on my clothes :)


Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Week 11 Update

Week 11!! Woo hoo, Only one more week and I am out of my first trimester... My morning sickness has switched gears. Last week I had to nibble all day long in order to feel okay. Now I can't eat anything without feeling nausea! So, I'm thinking with all of this indecisiveness this baby MUST be a girl!! hahah!
I bought some maternity clothes but I am not really wearing them yet because all of a sudden the desert skies decided to open up and dump rain and sleet everywhere. I thought it was warming up so I bought capri pants and short sleeve shirts. So, for the time being I am stuck wearing my old jeans unbuttoned with my bella band on.
If having morning sickness wasn't bad enough, I am pretty sure I have some sort of sinus thing going on. I might actually admit that I might be getting sick (Even though I NEVER get sick) hahah! Eh. I'm powering through all of it though and I can't wait till all the sickies are gone and I can start enjoying this :)

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Dear Jesus

Dear Jesus,
I would like to request for a few things to be taken off of the long list of things that cause pregnancy to suck! After all, this is supposed to be a magical experience, right? Well, unless you can find something magical about throwing up all day long or waking up 3 times a night to pee, I think these things should be omitted from the process.
My loving husband, since finding out about our pending arrival has been able to carry on his normal life. I, however, can't even find the energy to stay up past 9pm. This doesn't seem fair to me. Not that life is supposed to be fair and I realize that Spiderman's Uncle once said "With great power comes great responsibility", but I have no idea how losing my lunch makes me any more responsible. I should be getting high fives for not drinking alcohol during one of my many emotional outbreaks due to high levels of hormones that I am now being unwillingly dosed with. Instead, I can't eat. I can't sleep. My clothes don't fit. My boobs hurt. Soon my feet will swell to the point that I can't even wear regular shoes. My nose will, oddly enough, seem to enlarge, amongst many many other uncomfortable and embarrassing events.
I feel that with the long list of awful pregnancy related issues and occurences, asking for the exclusion of morning sickness and midnight pee trips seems more than reasonable.

P.S. Thanks for the baby, though!

Friday, January 15, 2010

Good fear

I remember sitting in my doctor’s office and hearing him say that it was questionable as to whether or not I could have another child. After losing my right ovary and having a huge tumor removed off of my left, the chances did not look good considering the scar tissue and the size of the removed tumor. I was crushed. We hadn’t planned on having another child, at least not right away, but it would have been nice to have had the opportunity. I felt broken. For months after the news, I resigned myself to the idea that Sage was more than enough for me. We were happy and this news should not dampen what we have. We made plans. I was a few short months from following through with my dream of becoming a nurse. I had been to an orientation and everything. Aaron converted the guest room into an art studio for us. Life was progressing.

Then one day I was having circulation issues and pain in my back and legs so I made an appointment with my primary care physician as well as my OB/GYN to get on birth control. I knew that my doctor was going to want an x-ray of my back and since I hadn’t started my period yet (it’s notorious for being a day late or early every month) I figured I’d get a pregnancy test just to be sure so they could do it. I think I knew the minute the idea about the test popped into my head because suddenly I became very emotional and anxious. When I got home, I immediately ran to the bathroom. Sage followed me in there because that’s what he does and Aaron followed me in there because he was just as nervous as I was. So there we were… the three of us in the bathroom, two of us waiting for the results (which didn’t take long) and one of us just wanting to flush the toilet over and over again.

Positive. Shock. Panic. Now what? Cry… really hard… that sounds like a grand idea. So that’s what I did while Aaron stared at the test and said, “Everything is going to be alright” over and over again.

I realize that this is not the ideal reaction a child would wish to have his or her parents feel when finding out their pending arrival, but it’s the honest truth. Does this mean that we will not love or welcome this child like we did Sage? Of course not. It just means that we are just like a million other parents reacting to the biggest surprise in life you can get. This news changes lives and if you feel yourself to be incredibly unprepared to hear it, this is the reaction you get. Tis normal. Isn’t it?

Honestly, at first, I didn’t feel like it was normal. In fact, I felt horrible. I felt horrible for even having an inch of doubt as to whether or not we could do this. There was no doubt in our minds that we WOULD do this but geez we were scared. The guilt was intensified by the comments made by friends and family giving us positive advice like “Just think, a year ago you were told you couldn’t have any kids.” Which, by the way, is a great point. How could we be anything but ecstatic by this news considering what we’d been told. I don’t know, but we felt everything with a little ecstatic thrown in.

I can only speak for myself. I felt terrified that I couldn’t be enough for both children. I was scared that Sage would feel neglected by me. I was extremely mortified that I wouldn’t be able to handle nursing school with a newborn and a toddler. I was nervous that Aaron would lose his mind and the money… could we afford this now in this economy. A million things rolled through my head and a lot of them I haven’t worked through yet. I don’t have the answer to any of those questions.

I do know that I am almost 3 months along and every now and again I feel the baby flutter. I picture Sage being a big brother and I picture our family as a foursome and it makes me very very very happy. I imagine Sage holding hands with his new sibling and being tender and sweet like he is to his 2nd cousins and I think I have nothing to worry about. I think about how underneath the jitters I am so grateful that we have been so blessed with this opportunity. I just hope that I can be the kind of Mom that this baby deserves.

I hear stories of other Mommies having the same anxieties when adding their second child and their feelings of guilt and of cheating on their first child. It makes me feel better to know that I may not be an awful person for doubting my abilities. Ultimately, that is all this is. 9 times out of 10, loving parents of one aren’t really afraid of having another child. It has nothing to do with the newbie. It has everything to do with our fear of being enough and having enough to give to this new child as well as our numero uno bambino. Eventually, we all figure it out though. It usually takes actually giving birth to the 2nd and realizing that we will do whatever it takes to be and have what we need to be amazing at this job of parenting. It is hard though. I never could have imagined how hard it was back in my pre-Sage era, but I am doing it. We are both doing it and we are doing it really really well if I do say so myself.

Some days are still scary for me but I have promised myself to imagine Sage holding hands with his little brother or sister when I get scared and that makes everything warm and fuzzy again. So hang in there ladies baking baby #2. In the wise words of my loving husband (and Bob Marley), “Everything is going to be alright!”

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Anniversary Trip to San Francisco.

  Yes!!! I did it! I confiscated my camera from Aaron this morning so that I could finally make my San Fran entry. I know it may seem like this is more of a personal entry vs. an entry about being a mommy but you couldn't be more wrong... Little vacations like these are extremely important to being a great mom. I've spent almost 2 years being a Mom now and I have only taken 1 mini break a few months after he was born. Adults only vacations are an amazing way to remind yourself that despite your growing skills as a one handed diaper changer you are still YOU. Sometimes I forget that in order to be a great Mom, I have to be me. How can I be me if I don't remember who I am because I am so wrapped up in drool and diapers. On this little trip I not only had an amazing time but I must have found my make-up bag because I looked like a human being again:

Oh wait!! Not that one... this one:

When we got back I felt refreshed and invigorated and completely ready to be the best Mom I can be. It's so hard to make yourself get up and leave our little ones. I have the hardest time doing it. I am fortunate enough to have a wonderful husband who refuses to take "No" for an answer though. (He always knows what's best for me whether I like to admit it or not). After this trip, I have decided to try my hardest to get away at least once a year on a parental vacay because I have realized that I am no good to anyone unless I am good to myself a little. So, take a little advice from me... Get out and get away. Even if it's for a few hours because there is nothing better for the Mommy soul than taking a little ME-time. I promise, your little one will thank you for it.

 So here is a mini photo journey from our trip:

This is us crashing a gallery opening on our first night in the city! I tried to be spontaneous for a change!

Such amazing Art and Culture... It makes me really disappointed that I don't live here :)

Aaron getting tattooed by one of the most wonderful tattoo artists, Grime. He's not only a talented artist but he truly is one of the nicest guys ever!

We met Aaron's family at an Italian restaurant one of the nights! So nice to see everyone!!!

I thought the cables looked like a spider web. There were so many of them! Makes for a really great picture!

We went to the most amazing little Museum in Golden Gate Park! So fun!

Some amazing graffiti via Lango on Haight street!

Speaks for itself.

And then back home to this wonderful little man!!!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

10 week update

I didn't get around to uploading my photos last night or editing my footage but I promise to try to get to it tonight.
Instead, I thought that it's about darn time for a pregnancy update. Maybe if I can keep my mind straight I'll try and do these every week.
So according to my BabyBump application on my Ipod Touch Baby Parker (This is the baby's name no matter if it is a boy or a girl) is the size of a prune and weighs .14 oz (since this is my kid I'm going to estimate a little heavier though haahah). It also says that he/she is growing nails and little buds where the teeth will form. AMAZING.
I have had some pretty uncomfortable morning sickness for a little over a month now and I am pleased to say that it seems as if maybe it's subsiding a little. I felt pretty great yesterday and I have been pretty good today too so I am seriously crossing my fingers. I would LOVE to start walking on my treadmill for some exercise and I haven't done it because I have been feeling so crappy. I need something to offset the crap I have been eating (Which I need to stop doing). After 10 weeks I have gained 10 pounds and even though this isn't AWFUL it's definitely not good. I would like to keep my weight gain to a minimum to that I don't have any issues with swelling like I did last time.
Speaking of weight gain. My Janelly belly is definitely showing signs of life!!! I sit at work with my pants unbuttoned. I know, sexy right? I know it seems really early... Most women probably wouldn't be showing as bad as I am right now but most women didn't have as much muscle damage as I did, (Unless they had twins). My last pregnancy I delivered and 8lb. 8 oz. baby boy and an 8 lb. cyst with an additional 6cm cyst left in there for fun.
There has been no confirmed movement yet. I have felt little flutters but that might be thai food. Hahahah! No actually, the flutters are most likely baby. I know what early baby punches feel like and these flutters are baby ninja-like.
All in all, I am feeling good today and my stress level is decent. I still worry ever day if I am going to be able to be the kind of mom that my babies deserve but that's a given.
I hope everyone has a great day and I will be tapping at you tomorrow!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


Sorry I have not updated in a few days. Aaron and I took off on a trip. We left Sage at home with his Nonnie, packed a single bag and hopped on a plane flying standby to good ol’ San Fran. The trip was a needed vacay for me. I hadn’t left Sage for longer than small overnight trips since he was 3 months old. It’s amazing how an actual vacation really does invigorate you as a parent. I missed him so much that by the time I got home all I wanted to do was be with him. Not that I don’t always feel that way but for the first time in a while I feel refreshed and a little more relaxed about it.

I would have blogged yesterday but after reading a friend’s blog that didn’t have photos I realized how easily bored I become when there aren’t photos in blogs and was scared to write thinking everyone would be bored… ALL TWO OF YOU! Then today I figured I’m entitled to write a few boring ones. So here I am. I will try and get my videos edited and pictures uploaded so that I can do a vacation recap tomorrow.

In the meantime, I had a great idea yesterday. After thinking about all of the picture texts I have received over the last year and then some, I got sort of sad that these pictures were forever doomed to my phone or Twitter. So my grand idea is to picture message ever single Sage related picture to my e-mail address and then make a photobook for them. I’m pretty sure there are over 100 pictures in my phone of just him so it might take a minute since I am only on 39. It will be worth it though just to have them in a collective album.

Here’s a few of my favorites:

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Picture Messaging A Mom's best friend.

I don't know about you guys but I am a full time working Mom. I am fortunate enough that my husband is self employed so his schedule is really flexible and this has given us the opportunity to not have to place Sage in daycare. This also means that I get lots of cute little picture messages all day long so that I don't necessarily feel left out. Pictures like these make my day:

If it weren't for these images I think I might feel really guilty for having to be here all day but just knowing he's okay and having fun makes all the difference in my day.

Since my husband has done this for me, I always make a habit of doing it for my Mom and Dad since they are so far away. I also send photo messages to my great friend Rebecca when I babysit for her.

It's such a simple gesture that really means alot to Moms, Dads, Grandparents ect. so if you don't already do it, YOU SHOULD!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


So I am really doing it... I've set myself up with a Youtube account and a spanking new Gmail address! Being new to this whole thing it might take me a second to get up to speed but I am excited to get started.
I don't even know where to start as far as how I came to this point in my life. I guess with the facts...
I am 32 and I am a wife to a very talented tattoo artist and a mother to a very fast 1.5 year old. As if that wasn't enough I am also 9 weeks pregnant with our second child. (This frightens the poo out of me BTW). I am a bona fide computer nerd by career and a Nursing student via passion (although I am on hiatus thanks to bouncing bundle of food stealing baby I am currently baking). I live in Las Vegas (not because I want to) and really I am trying to be as normal as a parent as I can be here... Which believe me is kind of tough in the city of neon lights and fake tans.
I love my life most of the time. If I told you I loved it all the time, you'd know I was lying or not human AND definitely NOT a woman! Things get hard. Things get messy. Really though I wouldn't have it any other way though. If life wasn't filled with challenges I would be extremely bored and for me, THAT'S THE WORST!
So ultimately, this blog is going to display my truths about being a Mom in today's world, or at least as far as I am concerned. Sometime, I'll sprinkle a little of my own personal life lessons in there but I have learned that once you become a MOM it goes one of two ways... a person either spins their wheels resisting  mommyhood and thus sucks at it or they succumb to the sneezes in the face and slobbery love filled kisses and it becomes who they are as a person. I am that slobbered on germ filled person and this is how I deal with that transition. I really hope you all enjoy and I learn and experience and would love to hear and learn from yours!!!